Tantrum or Sensory Overload?
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Time to read 4 min
HOW TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE
Insights from Amy Whittaker, Practitioner at Peppy Health
Ah yes, tantrums: the national sport of parents. Still, knowing the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown can make all the difference in how you respond.
We’re told that kids having tantrums is just part of growing up. And often, it is. But they have a knack for showing up uninvited at the most inappropriate time. Preferably in public, when you really need to be somewhere and are already running late... Nursery pick-up in a crowd of parents. At the front of the checkout queue with a dozen people behind you. Or our personal favourite, during another child’s carefully rehearsed musical solo.
Yes, all kids do have tantrum.
But sometimes… it’s something else.
What’s the Difference Between a Tantrum and a Meltdown?
At first glance, it’s easy to confuse a sensory meltdown with a good old-fashioned tantrum. Both come with yelling, tears, and that head-banging drama. But according to Peppy Health Practitioner Amy Whittaker, knowing the difference really matters.
“Tantrums are really common in young children and are typically goal-driven,” says Amy. “It starts when a child wants something they can’t have, is trying to express frustration, or is seeking attention from a caregiver. These are often quickly resolved by offering connection and a distraction.”
Meltdowns, however, are a different story. Your child isn’t trying to get a result. In fact, they’re not in control of what’s happening at all.
“A meltdown is an involuntary event. It’s the result of a child becoming completely overwhelmed and overloaded by sensory input or demands, making them unable to regulate their emotions.”
So how to tell the difference? Here are the clear signs:
If your child is still aware of your reactions or trying to provoke one, it’s probably a tantrum.
If they seem unreachable, inconsolable, or start self-soothing or self-harming (think rocking, head banging, hitting), chances are it’s a meltdown. These behaviours are common signs of sensory overload in children, and they make a sensory meltdown vs tantrum look very different.
While a tantrum might respond to distraction, a meltdown needs something gentler. And slower.
“Parents have to wait for children to come out of a meltdown—moving from screaming to sobbing—before stepping in with supportive strategies like deep pressure hugs or offering sensory equipment,” says Amy. “Removing any triggers or sensory input can help too. But above all, don’t panic.”
How parents can help?
“It’s in those moments—when things feel hard and we don’t know what to do—that our children need us the most.” We know how easy it is to feel that flicker of shame when your child has a meltdown in public.
But whether it’s sensory or not, they’re still learning. Emotional regulation is a skill and they haven’t quite mastered it yet.
Once you recognise a meltdown rather than a tantrum, you start to notice things differently. You begin to pay closer attention to what sets your child off — and, just as importantly, discover what actually helps them through it.
Responding with empathy helps us connect with what our child is really feeling. And that connection often helps them calm down sooner.
Of course, in an ideal world you would ride it out and give your child’s brain the space it needs to calm down. But if that’s not possible, here are a few tricks that might just help. And honestly, sometimes nothing works and it feels awful — but remember, you’re not the only one. So many of us are right there with you.
- Have a few tools in your pocket. A little fidget or comfort object (think favourite toy, chewy necklace, stress ball) can give their hands and mind something grounding. We’ve found The Dyslexia Shop has loads of great options — from NeeDohs to spinners and chewable necklaces.
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Try Visual Breathing Cues
Sometimes it helps to give them a picture to copy: blowing out birthday candles, smelling a flower, or pretending to blow up a balloon. Familiar images make the idea of deep breathing feel more natural (and less like a demand).
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Use Simple Words
Short, calming phrases like “I’m here” or “You’re safe” are much easier for them to take in than long explanations. In meltdown mode their brain is basically “offline” — big sentences just don’t land.
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Create a pause button 🧘♀️
If it’s safe, step outside and get away from whatever’s overwhelming them. A quick change of scene and some fresh air can work wonders. Distraction helps too — even something as simple as a wind chime can be soothing thanks to the steady, repetitive sound.
When Nothing Works
In case of a tantrumeltdownemergency (yes, one word), we channel Lisa from @asd_with_a_g_and_t and her iconic dance moves ⬇️ Even just closing our eyes and picturing them cracks us up. Once you’ve seen them, you can’t unsee them.
And honestly, in the middle of chaos, a bit of humour can save the day and keep you sane.
You’ve got this ❤️
Every child is different, and what calms one meltdown might spark another — but that’s why parent-to-parent tips are gold.
Share yours in the comments — if you’ve got tantrum or meltdown secret weapons, we’ll add them to the list. What works one day might flop the next, but swapping ideas gives us all a bigger toolkit. Strength in numbers!
About Peppy Health
Peppy Health is a digital health platform connecting people with expert-led support through life’s big transitions — from early parenthood to menopause and beyond. With confidential one-to-one chats, group sessions, and trusted resources, Peppy helps families feel supported whenever and wherever they need it.
About Amy Whittaker
Amy Whittaker is a child and family health specialist with Peppy Health. She works closely with parents and caregivers to provide practical strategies and reassurance around children’s emotional wellbeing, drawing on both clinical expertise and hands-on experience.
